Coming Soon – Halal TV!?!

Although the FPI thugs provide an endless stream of material for me, with their awful Islamist intolerance, the MUI is never far behind.


Although the Council of ‘Scholars’ don’t go about beating or killing people – mind you, one of their prominent members was reported as calling for the killing of an innocent man purely on religious grounds – their fatwas are a scream, ranging from the ludicrous to the horrendous, examples of the former being the condemnation of yoga, of the latter the promotion of the barbaric female circumcision campaign.

But yesterday’s Jakarta Globe had me chortling.

Indonesian television shows will be stamped with the Indonesian Council of Ulema’s (MUI) Halal seal under a plan currently being discussed by the MUI and the West Java Broadcasting Commission.

Aha! Why I am not surprised at the mention at once of West Java, the most bigoted province in the land?

The two organizations met to discuss the possibility of implementing a Halal seal for “decent” TV shows that do not feature themes or images that “violate norms.” The certification would ensure that television viewers are protected from programs that could degrade the nation’s morality, West Java Broadcasting Commission head Neneng Athiatul said.

  • Neneng, Pretty in Pink, with Commission colleagues


“The Broadcasting Law has stipulated that the broadcasting content should respect religious values,” Neneng told the Antara news agency. “Therefore, we think that a halal certification is possible.”

Ha! Reminds me of the CBSC in Canada, which, by way of contrast, seeks to suppress religious values, unless they’re of the mealy-mouthed variety. And indeed of the BBC in the UK, which has openly admitted its readiness to downgrade Christianity as opposed to ‘a certain religion,’ as they say here.


    “There is similarity between food that is consumed by the body and [TV] programs that are consumed by the spirit,” MUI West Java edict division head Umar Salim said. “Halal [methods] that are used for food could also be implemented for TV programs.”
Salim said that religiously minded Halal programing would result in increased ratings.

Haw, haw, haw! Halal methods used for food include slaughtering animals by slashing their throats! Scary stuff, this!

But that’s surely a bridge too far.

I’d have thought such certification would increase ratings for those programmes not so certified, like programmes featuring Nikita Marzani, who was formerly on one of my favourite shows, Kakek2 Narsis, but left after a row over her being altogether too yummy!




Nimita – despite her tattoos – is incapable of NOT being sexy, so not much chance of any halal certificate for her.

And I guess the amusing Kakek2 Narsis would be haram too, given its agreeable propensity for bringing in a regular supply of mini-skirted honeys.


For my non-Indonesian audience, it’s a late-night show about a bunch of old geezers (young actors made up to look aged) that’s a bit like the UK comedy series The Last of the Summer Wine, the oldsters making the most of their autumnal years.

Pretty silly stuff, but loads of pretty things do make it fun to watch.



 Would G–String be banned forever? 


Having  posed that question, I would dwell briefly on the current TV fare, catering to Ramadan fasters.

TV does change quite markedy once Ramadan month engulfs the nation, not always for the worse, but mostly.


Trio Macan


This past weekend, I lumbered out of bed before noon to watch the dangdut, which usually comprises comely wenches like Trio Macan in mini-skirts undulating around the stage, but not this time.

A female was indeed singing nicely, but robed from head to toe!

Even many of the invariably pretty news readers have head-shrouds of various voluminosity ( is that a word?)  added to their wardrobes.

And the tv drama we watched later, half-heartedly, had a typical Ramadan flavour, a bloke with two wives, one of whom dressed like a normal, attractive woman, the other being a head-shrouder with a permanently po-faced righteousness writ large on that part of her head we could see.

Guess who was the wicked schemer?


Tukang Bakso


But I’m hoping we have a re-run of a show I enjoyed a year or two ago, a saga of two tukang bakso – vendors of meat-balls – one virtuous, the other a no-good, who actually resembled Pop-Eye’s old foe, Bluto.



Bluto was of such an unspeakably evil nature that he sabotaged his rival by sneaking a vat of PIG-OIL onto his cart, then spreading the word. Needless to say, and sadly quite an accurate reflection of the real-life mentality here, the angry mob beat the nice guy up.

However, good triumphed in the end, since the beat-up goody saw a motorist being attacked by thugs and raised the alarm. By great good fortune, the grateful driver turned out to be a millionaire who set up his rescuer as manager of one of his franchised restaurants, outside which the wretched Bluto passed with despairing gait in the final scene.

Another splendid one I recall was that concerning the wayward wife, who cast off her head-scarf and went out gallivanting – she returned home after dreadful debauchery, smitten by a plague of boils, and died.



A great pity, for she looked much better minus the head-shroud!

All good for a laugh, until we get to specifically religious programming, and the choice of clerics to host them, notably Ustad Arifin Ilham, pictured below with the infamous FPI Fuhrer, Habib Rizieq.

And it’s no accidental meeting either, because on the link provided, we learn that he has a high opinion of the IslamoNazi thug gang.

-Just a few months ago, February 16th, reported that Muhammad Arifin Ilham reiterated his support for the Islamic Defenders Front (FPI), by writing a statement on his Facebook account page on this day, Thursday (16/02/2012) which contains a statement of support for FPI and criticism of corrupt officials who support the secular media and disobedience and spread slander that the FPI are anarchistic….In addition, Ustadz also criticized groups that want to dissolve the FPI and allow rampant immorality.”Who would want to disband the FPI? What a chilling effect on freedom?’



Habib served time after his vicious brand of fanaticism incited the shameful Monas Riot of 2008, and he’s not got any better since.

No decent Indonesian should be seen with him.  But the Ustad sees nothing amiss with doing so.

And neither would the MUI Halal certifiers, methinks!

They’d be better to put on the Cherry Belles, who represent an Indonesia much more wholesome than the FPI and their think-alikes!